Leash-tamer Gifts

"Tell me again why dog owners are healthier."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

Litter Tray Training

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Busy office.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

(No caption. Signs on file cabinets drawers read, "Files Saved to Hard Drive," "Files Saved to Disk," "Files Saved to Traveldrive," "Trash.")

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Parenting Business Deals

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Education Guidance

Dentist Training School.

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

"Most projects require three hands."

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

'Now, you'd better pick up your toys or no bath!'

'That's right kids: I jumped through rings of fire when I was with the Circus!'

"And for your entree, sir?"