Leash-tamer Pillows

"Tell me again why dog owners are healthier."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

Mechanic looking under the hood of a car.

'That's not speaking, that's barking Try again'

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Litter Tray Training

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

Busy office.

'No, that wasn't your mother calling to ask if you were okay. That was your mother calling to ask if I was okay.'

A Clown pretends to put his head in the mouth of a TV lion.

Need an elevated state of mind too!

Gardener's Calendar: Try to put the other things back...

New Swiss Army Knife

Lion Tamers School - Lion licking his lips examiner marking a fail

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

Parenting Business Deals

'Before we start, would everyone please put your cell phone in the middle of the table?'

"I find that my strongest passwords are those created when the cat walks across the keyboard."

Dentist Training School.

"I wish he'd slow the hell down." "I wish he'd hurry the hell up."

"Slide, Howie!!! Slide!"

Education Guidance

'The health and safety officer isn't happy. He want's you to tie your shoelaces.'

"Most projects require three hands."

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'When I said you'd have to jump through hoops, I meant you'll have to literally jump through hoops.'

"Oops! My mistake, that was your projected trial load for this year, not this month."

'What's your tolerance for risk?'

'This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath !'

'Where did we go wrong?'

Circus Act

'Oh my, have you seen the size of the new tamer's head? I can't fit that in my mouth...'

"Our driverless smart car texted me saying it went to get an oil change because I was too lazy to do it. Is there a way to disable its rudeness?"