Learning Optimizer Pillows

"If you ask me, school funding should skip the middleman and just pay me to study harder!"

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Don't Waste A Moment! Put Down That Magazine And Get Fit While You Sit!

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"Lady here wants to put £5 on Cambridge 'Each way'!"

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

The Devolution of Man

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

Castle Efficiency

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'The town I grew up in was so affluent they used to close the schools in honor of options expiration day.'

"Junior, there's more to life than winning. There's also beating the spread."

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"That's your tiny house!"

Kids' energy levels

Avoidance of Situation/Work required to succeed.

Overloaded on Junk Food.

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

"You said to start the laundry and bathe the cat, so I thought I could save time if..."

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.