Leafy Confidant Gifts

'I'm not coming here again Doctor Melrose. I'd rather talk to my plants.'

Talk to your plants ??" but first, give them a chance to calm down.

Licensed Therapist

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

'I'm worried about him, he eats his vegetables, but not his dessert!'

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

"I say it's Kale, and I say it's spinaches shitfaced uncle."

"Who's a good boy? You're a good boy."

Time for tea and friendship.

"Your love gives me strength."

Veggie Hall of Fame.

Of course your master calls you 'Man's best friend'. As your attorney I advise you to get it in writing.

"You're missing the whole gestalt of Frisbee!"

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

"I've been getting really excited about squirrels even when my dog isn't with me."

Personal Assistants.

'Don't worry, son. This bed inking incident will be our little secret.'

'A common problem - we all give them our undivided love and devotion.'

"You can tell when people don't have pets, because they start to look like their plants."

Spa Dog

Grass huggers.

"So tell me more about the dog sitter."

Supermarket: Leafs, Rail Leafs

'Hang on, we'd better leave this one alone: It's a protected species...'

'I've been depressed ever since PBS said pigs are smarter than dogs!'

The Cactus Reader

"It's my box of secrets. It has things I've thought about but would never tell anyone!"

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"He's anxious to resume perpetrating his usual activities."

'My wife doesn't understand us.'

"Glen, I'm not just your editor. I'm also your best friend, and I'm telling you, lose the cat."

"I know she's only pretending to throw the ball but I still run for it."

"So tell me, what exactly does fear smell like?"

'I need to relax more.' - 'Plants are relaxing.' - 'I need a bonsai.' - '...and here's your care guide.' - 'Say what?' - 'My, my... you're a demanding little bastard, aren't you?'