Leadership Sneer Gifts

'I'm looking for someone to keep the blood off my hands.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Take us to your inclusive leader."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"I'm not the responsible party. I have people for that."

"There goes the person that proved the Peter principal faster than anyone in history."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'Who vetted that leader?'

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

"Would someone dim the lights? I'm about to launch into the paranoid and conspiratorial portion of my report."

See District Directors

Business head.

Nicolas Sarkozy.

'He's particularly sensitive to criticism that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.'

"Alert security, the buck has failed to stop here and is loose in the building."

Becky Thornmorton: The most popular girl at Central High's annual Easter egg hunt.

Learn to Laugh at Yourself

"I think I'd be better at leading if I could yell louder."

"Maybe yes. Maybe no."

"See how quickly he solves problems? We need more like him."

'When all else fails, try doing it the way the boss told you.'

'This is a business, Peterson, not a democracy.'

"As a leader, I will always take you forward!"

'I'd fire you, but anticipating your next blunder really keeps the company jazzed.'

"Will they hate me if I talk?"

"My definition a leader is any human who does exactly as I ask without complaining."

'That's why we're vice-presidents, and he's president.'

"You'll be familiar with Belbin and his work on 'Structure an roles' within teams."

Why Committees Move Slowly!

"Management is all about getting from A to B, or was it A to C, or D. . . I'm sure it had an A in it!"

"Before we start can I just confirm that everyone is going to agree with me."

'My best leadership skill is my innate sense of how much crap people can take.'

Warning: Spoilers Ahead