Leadership Humor Gifts

'When all else fails, try doing it the way the boss told you.'

"This position has become very important to the company."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"I hate performance review season."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"How can you have a meteoric rise to the top in a one-story building?"

'I delegate, then I follow up.'

Executive golf with Newton's cradle

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

'Here you are, Simmons!'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

'Kroogshank, why do I think that you try to hide from responsibility?'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"Dammit, Higgins, we don't need simple explanations, we need complicated excuses!"

'Any chance of doubling my salary?'

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

'When I say jump, Hayes, I don't want you to just ask 'How high?' ... I want you to show me!'

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

"I swear, Bob, if you say "I'll think about it and circle back to you" one more time...X"

Job complaints on road signs.

'Who vetted that leader?'

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

'It's odd...when I was CEO of Phoenix Industries everybody laughed at my jokes, but since I've been retired, nobody does.'

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

B2B.Com Pay Per View.

"We couldn't give you a bigger office, so we shrunk everything down to make it appear bigger."

A businessman sits behinds a desk with a nameplate that reads "Charles F. Baxter - Previously frozen".