Leadership Humor Enthusiasts Gifts

'A lackluster style got me to where I am, and a lackluster style is going to keep me here.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Imagine if only 1/2 the companies that claimed to have a great culture actually did."

'An exxpert team set up a team of special consultants, that then set up a committee whose members asked their 7 year old kids. Now 14 months later they've concluded we're not efficient enough.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

"Has anyone mentioned that you're management now, …… You don't get overtime."

'We're all right as long as they think we're taking millions.'

'Here's the CEO - Chief Egotistical Official!'

Economy Slows: 'It's still too fast for me.'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

Re-Tooling Costs - "Could you be a little more precise than umpteen million?"

High Noon at the O.K. Staff Meeting

'He insists on being a part of the corporate pipeline.'

"I'm cutting out a complete layer of management."

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

'Whenever they discuss trickle-down economics, I have to go to the bathroom.'

Business Promotion.

'Don't let anyone in without an appointment, and don't give anyone an appointment.'

"This just in! Due to downsizing, the mega-merger of Consolidated Industries and Humungous Corporation has been changed to a simple bankruptcy."

"I'm appointing you head of marketing...your first job is to come up with something we can market...and to who??"

"The first chart is pre-Prozac and this chart is post-Prozac ... "

'One businessman's lunch-on-the-rocks and one businessman's special straight-up.'

"You're an overweight, overpaid, over-the-hill senior executive, Dalrymple. What did you have in mind to remedy that situation?"

...and if the Chairman rings, find out who he is.

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

'Who vetted that leader?'

Board of directors of a baby products company suck their thumbs after realising sales and profits are down.

"Frankly, I think it's time we take a long hard look at cat futures."

'I can't believe it! This is when I sent out a company memo advocating a win-win philosophy.'

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"I love this work-from-home concept. Now I can fire someone without going to the office."

"King and clown—why can't I be both?"

"Appears to be choking on his responsibility."

"Thanks for your offer, but in our company we still have a perfect information and communication system. It's called water cooler talk."