Leadership Satire Lover Gifts

'He's particularly sensitive to criticism that the left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Schengen

The Anti-Agent

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

Lethal Presentation

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

'Pssst! Straighten up, here come the bigwigs.'

"We have an acronym!"

'The cash bonus incentives don't appear to be having the desired results. So, I've hired Rocky, here. He'll be providing the heads of the least productive departments with his own brand of incentive. If you know what I mean.'

Personally, I was hoping for more from the intermediary process.'

'Yes, can I help you?'

'Bit of a staffing problem, Boss. We haven't got any left.'

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'We feel it's very important to provide our employees with an extremely comfortable work-place environment. Primarily because we don't allow them to ever go home.'

'Before we starnt, has everyone shed their moral baggage?'

'Due to cutbacks, he lost his company vehicle, so he has to improvise.'

"He thought this would illustrate the company hierarchy more clearly than the organizational chart."

'I'm surprised you like being your own boss. I am your boss and I hate it.'

"Here's some of my work for you to do. It should be a refreshing change...for me."

"I suggest we start with the low hanging fruit."

"It lost a little something in translation."

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'