Leadership Seminar Survivor Gifts

"Attending a leadership seminar does not make you the boss of me!"

How leaders fail

Lethal Presentation

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

"Sorry, I'm preaching again. Why don't we pause for a moment while I pass around the collection plate."

"People of Earth – can everyone see my screen?"

'And in conclusion.'

That's not the reaction I was going for. Let me try to put a different spin on it.

'Jones, somewhere out there, we've lost our common sense. I want you to go and bring it back.'

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

'Looks like we missed the chairman's powerpoint presentation, then...'

Business Confusion

"Delegation is an important attribute of being a leader, but not if you're delegating the leadership!"

Frank was famous for his anti-inflammatory rhetoric.

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

'Ladies and gentlemen, today we're going to get down to nuts and bolts.'

The only way I can get through a nudist convention.

The Collective Unconscious

"Being a disruptive company does not mean interrupting and making sarcastic remarks during meetings."

'Would you like me to have a word with educational psychologist about Julie?'

"The long prayer peek."

Bored Meeting

A teacher walks into a classroom full of chatting students; once he starts to talk the students fall asleep.

'Are you nodding in agreement, or falling asleep?'

'And that pretty much sums it up.'

'For the remainder of this health and safety discussion, I shall refrain from leaning back too far on my chair.'

Why they're called 'bullet points'.

I'm bored! Buck up! Enduring boredom prepares you for college lectures, political speeches and public television. Not to mention � It�s the key to so many successful marriages. I can't wait.

"I feel terrible - I think my businessman's lunch is disagreeing with me!"

"First, I want to give you an overview of what I will tell you over and over again during the entire presentation."

"Today's training will be mainly about how to pretend to stay awake and interested while watching a really dull presentation."

"I can honestly say I feel really refreshed after that presentation. I slept all the way through it!"

"Now, if you all could make your way downstairs, we'll continue to look at these sales figures."

'Well I hope that my talk has been useful in helping you all to understand the work of reception staff.'