Seminar Survivor Gifts

"First, I want to give you an overview of what I will tell you over and over again during the entire presentation."

"Well, that's 45 minutes I'll never get back."

'I take it the Change Seminar stripped you down to your vulnerabilities.'

The Collective Unconscious

"Don't worry. You'll just be giving an informal seminar."

'Today, gentlemen, we will discuss the clostridial diseases.'

'Well I hope that my talk has been useful in helping you all to understand the work of reception staff.'

"Management seminar is really just a fancy name for shenanigans, tomfoolery and general silliness."

"For many of you training is just the chance to get out of the office for a day, the good news is that this training lasts all week."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"Why won't you teach us how to handle complaints?"

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Yes, Jane Lyons, sitting next to Katy Jones, class of 2018, it is important for a writer to know her audience."

Rita's PhD defense wasn't going well."

Convention for People Who Like to Attend Conventions.

Substance Abuse Seminar: How Not To Get Hooked!

'And in conclusion.'

'First semester, you learn the numbers. Second semester, you use them to count the days 'til school is out.'

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

Graph leads down into egg with a big crack.

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

'There's one app we can't give you ... aptitude.'

'Success in business door' - keep your finger on the button doorbell.

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

"I hope I haven't taken you aback by asking you to attend the change seminar."

'She's attending a 'confidence empowerment' seminar, to have her aura recharged.'

Tonight's topic Ethical behavior. Personally, I let my conscience by my guide, but I do the driving!

"Please refrain from throwing business cards."

'I sent an employee to a motivational seminar once. He came back and took my job.'

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

'All right, all right, Hershman, you can go attend the 'improve your negotiating skills' seminar.'

"Maybe there's a free lunch, too?"

'Join us. There' a talk on medical marijuana and a pot-luck dinner afterward.'