Lazy Productivity Aficionado Gifts

'Ideally, I'd like a job where my multi-application cell phone will do all the work.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

Lazy Octopus

American Idle.

Cat and mouse

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

To be honest, I'd just as soon as lay in the yard, but he so looks forward to it.

'Some dogs are meant to be working dogs and some aren't.'

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

Catatonic

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

'Just look at him. The face that lunched on a thousand chips.'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'I've never known a dog who gets tired so quickly.'

"C'mon, you can do this! Be the sock!"

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

Gifts from the House of Low Goals.

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

'If it's a universal remote, how come it doesn't work on the refrigerator?'

How the goat got square eyes.

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

"Do you want to order in or wither and die?"

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"Today let's work on changing channels, drinking with a mouthful of food, and yelling at the TV all at the same time."

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

The other digital divide.

'Some blue-arsed fly you turned out to be.'

'Don't get up. ... I've got it!'