Lazy Philosopher Gifts

'I feel so... lethargic. Well, I would be if I could be bothered.'

'I'm not seeking any answers . . .I don't know anything . . . I'm just lazy!'

Avoiding Housework 'How to skive'

'Don't do today what you can leave for tomorrow, the day after tomorrow, next week or until someone else does it for you.'

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

"Feel free to take notes."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

For some reason, "The Road Less Travelled" GPS package never really caught on...

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

A bear is sat on an armchair with old man slippers.

The dangerous world of the armchair thinker

"I should've never studied canon law."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

The Three Kinds of People

'What do you mean 'theoretically'? Everything we do is theoretical.'

"Lemme guess: You're struggling with the French press again."

"But, doctor, what are the advantages of living longer?"

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

"I don't believe in egrets."

"That's right - 'What doesn't kill me makes me stronger.' You just keep on thinking that..."

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

"Would you mind moving to your doggy bed? I'd like to sit in my chair. I know you can hear me. Your book is upside down."

"Just when I think things couldn’t get any worse, they replace The Lockhorns with Doonesbury!"

'Do I believe in evolution? - Well, I suppose we should get it over with.'

"But now the good guy with a gun has a foot wound."

"Before the library cuts I was well-read now I just have ill-informed opinions."

"I'm back from Russia. Putin offered me a Dacha to say he's an honest man."

Stephen Fry.

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

"Mental note to self: rethink theory of survival of the fittest."