Lazy Environmentalist Gifts

"It's his contribution to the environment"

"Fred's calculating what future natural catastrophes he can ignore based on his probably life span."

No, no, this is Terry's ark, Noah's is three arks down.

"I've been dumping bodies here for years, and it seems to me that the sea level is rising."

"Plastic straws. No fish were spared in the making of this product."

'I was hoping traffic would ease up after the polar ice cap melted.'

Entering Washington, DC. Today's Polticial Atmosphere is TOXIC.

"We've made a few changes."

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

Tree funeral.

'Why are you watching TV with the lights off?'

'It is fuel efficient, but my ego feels crunched.'

"And make sure you give me a paper straw... gotta do my bit for the planet."

"Why the torch?" "It's the solar power for the bus stop!"

Picnic blankets with pop up trees.

"And that's why I don't have a steaming pile of s**t in my back yard."

'We bought this bolt hole to get away from politicians talking green politics.'

"I didn't design mankind to be a short-sighted, self-destructive, ravening plague upon their planet. They figured that out all on their own."

'I feel really close to nature with the wood-burning stove.'

"I, too, want to preserve the environment, just as it is: acid rain, holes in the ozone layer, lots of crap in the air."

'I told you we should have protested against that windfarm'

"Sure, we recycle junk mail - we shove it straight into the neighbour's mail box."

'I fail to note the significance of rising sea levels here on the 39th floor.'

'The chicken manure didn't work out, so now Luftkopf is working on an automobile engine that runs on earwax.'

'I want you to know we're 100% sustainable now. We've phased out tarpits and switched to solar panels and double glazing!'

"And our top of the range model is uniquely fuelled by hydro electricity sourced from the clearest glacier melt water filtered through recycled muslin face masks."

"This material is 80% recycled."

"Late-stage capitalism passes the torch to a new generation..."

'It's a program on conserving energy.'

"Wait - use a knife. It's greener."

'And this little warning light flashes when the outside air becomes too polluted to breathe.'

Capitalist tree hugger

Pinocchio's Wish

GOP Environmental Stink Tank - G.W. Bush National Forest.