Lawn Longisher Gifts

Yardless: Please help

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

Don't forget the hosepipe ban!

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"He's declared it an area of natural beauty"

Beginning Yarder.

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

'He misses his garden when he's on holiday'

Unbeknownst to most, dogs are actually greedy bastards searching for gold,

"Must get a longer cable."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

No Mow May

Beware of the Lawn

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Sometimes Bob just needs a little motivation to get things done around here!"

"You did order the chemical-free insecticide."

'So you've finally got round to mowing the garden.'

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

"We're out of bags."

Human males marking territory.

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

Robotic man mowing the lawn

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

Gone to seed.

"I've found the lawnmower!"

'...so I said to Linda, 'I can't do yard work in the rain!''

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

'You know it's too hot to use the sprinkler when the spray turns to steam.'

Rake

"I can't go on. All the weeding, mowing, digging, pesticides, and gopher holes really hurts you know. It's just not worth it anymore."