Lawn Domination Expert Gifts

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

"First time pruning?"

'Ok..Ok...I'm putting the lawnmower back in the shed!'

A sign on the front lawn of a house reads "Keep off the chemicals".

"The election's over, Trump won, the illegals are being deported and I'm here for one of them there high-paying American jobs he promised."

"Mulch madness"

"Must get a longer cable."

"The gods seem angrier than usual today."

'I fought the lawn and the lawn won.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'George! This way quick!'

"Al emerged from his man cave and saw crabgrass. That means 6 months of obsessing about crabgrass."

"Basically, I'm looking for a beer can holder with a mower built around it."

'I can't get my husband to water the lawn.'

'He claims to be a recovering workaholic.'

Beware of the Lawn

'Al's Lawn Care Service: There's no crabgrass too crabby for us!'

Dispose of unproductive fruit trees.

'I'm making one of the craters into a birdbath.'

Robotic man mowing the lawn

'This veldt makes me worry about the condition of our yard back home.'

'Fred's opinion of crab grass is if you can't beat it, join it.'

'Despite her numerous advanced degrees, Dr.Bessie couldn't keep her mouth from watering.'

'The grass is always greener on the other side seed'.

Ref shows footballer green card.

Mower Repair

God builds the first lawn mower.

Try to extinguish the potting shed...brush wood ash into a neat pile - it will make valuable plant food.

"Who's a good boy?!!"

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

"Let's go, this is definitely a manicured lawn: we won't find clover or dandelions here..."