Lawmaking Lover Gifts

You want my support for your reform bill, eh? — what's it worth to you?

Standing on His Record

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

Stop and Birch

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Shouting Fire in a Crowded Theater

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"My farewell gift!"

Intellectual Property

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

How a Bill Becomes a Law, 2023

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

"They're class action figures."

"Another slander suit!"

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

The Birth of a Lawsuit

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

'I'm suing my way alphabetically through the phone book.'