Lawmaking Lover Pillows

You want my support for your reform bill, eh? — what's it worth to you?

Standing on His Record

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

The Signing of tthe United States Constitution

"Gentlemen, I'm pleased to say the firm is perfectly positioned to avoid chapter eleven and still be in existence this time next year."

'Normally, I hate a rush to judgement - but I'm doing this case pro bono.'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

Stop and Birch

"Gimme a 'D'! Gimme an 'N'! Gimme an 'A'!"

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

"#notguilty."

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

"Stop billing your daughter for reading her bedtime stories!!"

"My farewell gift!"

Intellectual Property

"They're class action figures."

"Another slander suit!"

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

The Birth of a Lawsuit

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

'It's a treasure map.'

Arrogant junior barrister

'Just think of one of these as enabling legislation for the golden rule.'

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

"I'm pre-legal analysis."

'I'm here waiting appeals.'

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

So you'd like to be a lawyer...we require honest, genuine people, who are prepared to...learn how to fake sincerity.

"When I grow up I'm going to be a police officer and follow in my dad's footsteps."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

"It's either this or a country run by lawyers."

"I made my money the old fashioned way...a team of high priced lawyers litigating round the clock."