Lawmaker Fan Gifts

"Mr. Speaker, I would like to request an additional thirty seconds to approach my esteemed colleague from across the aisle and punch him the face."

"Oh, I'll be bi-partisan alright, punishing both sides of the aisle."

"My farewell gift!"

"I propose legislation to simplify Brexit - the Americans are having a hard time following it."

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

"So you want to give yourselves a pay raise and change term limits so you can continue to ignore voter mandates and introduce ridiculous legislation?"

'A more conservative version of the gun bill would also require a background check for all voters.'

'I know we can't repeal the laws of nature, but I don't see why we can't amend them a little.'

House vs. Senate

Trumpcare is buried by the House and Senate while Obamacare remains alive.

"A reconciliation bill? -- I've been in Congress for 37 years, and I've never reconciled anything!"

US recommendation for Middle East peacemaking.

'The Supreme Court found the new law constitutional, but struck it down anyway because it's politically incorrect.'

"He just doesn't know what to do with himself since he got elected to Congress."

'Hi this is Brussels - we're going to need to order some more red tape.'

'Stick a few upper-class tax cuts to it and it'll pass like a bran muffin dipped in vaseline.'

'I just had the greatest idea! -- Let's deregulate ourselves!'

You want my support for your reform bill, eh? — what's it worth to you?

Cracked Down Upon by Government? There's an App for That.

'It's a simple rule of thumb -- if at first you don't succeed, blame the media!'

'I've got it! - We'll call it the SUPERpatriot Act!'

'In order for the new Health Care Bill to pass, we'll need to remove the option of Health and Care, and give taxpayers the bill.'

Little Known Scenes From History: Alexander Graham Bell in prison inventing the phone so he can make his one call after being arrested.

Sen. Krupt. If they think watching sausage and laws being made is bad, they should see us tackle pork legislation!

"Says here underage kids can get a hardship license if they have a legitimate reason to drive a car."

Looking for a way to have their cake and eat it too.

Al Baldasaro

Greek Crisis

"Here they call it Congress, but I like to think of it as my muse."

'Never put off what you can do today, there may be a law against it tomorrow.'

Take A Bite

'I've always been a proponent of winning people's hearts and minds by suing them.'

'I'll be frank with you -- to adequately represent you in Congress, I have to be a crook.'

Biden Wins

"You lead such an interesting life. I've never been called to testify before a Congressional Banking Committee."