Legislative Humor Fan Gifts

He's Having A Hard Time Letting Go (Congress Perks).

Archival Warfare

"‘Click’, you have reached the White House, press 1 for shameless groveling, 2 for presidential pardons, and please have your credit card details ready..."

'General, please hire large armies of foreign mercenaries to complete the works of death, desolation and tyranny.'

"Hell, George - they even miss ME!"

"Rescue...we've come to join you."

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

Why should I take you home instead of your friend? (Republican and Democrat).

'Yes, it's a stupid speech, Senator, but you've got to court the stupid VOTE.'

"All other letters have been disallowed."

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

'Poor Americans...If this includes intellectual torture, they'll have to cancel 70 of their Hollywood productions...' (Caption may be modified.)

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

The Dangers of Corporate Personhood

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"Sire, they also want dental."

'It's the consistently defininative obscure obviation coupled with absolute commitment to incomprehensible policy objectives that I find appealing.

Comments. Complaints. Constitutional Amendments.

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

Patrick Hendy Rodham Clinton

"I cede the remainder of my time to the ranking member."

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

National Liberty and Tax Codes.

"So we have met before..."

Of Course, we can't expect things to be as good as they have been up to now

'Sure, but think what a crook I'd be without hypocrisy!'

DOGE* to English Instant Translator Device

'Let's agree to disagree.'

Day 1: The Launch. . . Starting Day 2: Another Government Bailout.

It's the same ingredients and aftertaste as stimulus 1..."

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Ask NOT what your country can do you...but what gender neutral policy initiatives can be put up for discussion and negotiation within a framework of ZERO fiscal resource allocation...'

'Oh no! The sharp elbowed middle class!'

The average taxpayer will ultimately embrace the auto industry bailout. Hell, we sold em all that useless undercoating for all these years!