Lawful Literati Gifts

Police Academy - Remedial Reading of Rights

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Yawning barristers in court

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

K9 Literati.

Book Thief in True Crime Department

"You have the right to remain silent, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have the right to be here. And, whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

The annual running of the lawyers.

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

'I've got an injury claim solicitor to advertise on your soles.'

Night of the Living Well-Read

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

'Narcissus goes courting'

Grin and Bear It

Frankenstein opens door to be given an ASBO

Sense, Sensibility & Sid, Attorneys at Law. 'We cover all the bases.'

'My client pleads not guilty by reason of mood swings.'

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

"This plea bargaining has really gotten out of hand!"

'According to this, they're suing you for illegal entry and the theft of one mince pie and a glass of sherry.'

'Lawyers to Avoid.' 'Need a lawyer? I'm low in cholesterol, have never been tested on lab animals and am 100 biodegradable.'

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

'And remember, people, there are no frivolous lawsuits... Only frivolous attorneys!'

"How I spent a day with daddy at work while maintaining deniability..."

Newspaper Categories

'We really weren't paying attention, so based on a game of Musical Chairs, we find the defendant...'