Lawful Literati T-Shirts

Police Academy - Remedial Reading of Rights

Solicitor speaks legal jargon and has a translator who tells client: 'You haven't a hope!'

Tesseract of the D'Urbervilles.

Yawning barristers in court

"...Any more of that fowl language and you're barred!"

"As you can see, I've learned the alphabet."

Book Thief in True Crime Department

K9 Literati.

"You have the right to remain silent, you are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars. You have the right to be here. And, whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

The annual running of the lawyers.

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'My client wasn't going to keep the money, Your Honor - He only robbed the bank to get on a reality show.'

"Got outta jury duty!"

Night of the Living Well-Read

'May the groom kiss the bride?'

'I've got an injury claim solicitor to advertise on your soles.'

"What we're going to say to the jury is 'Love the embezzler. Hate the embezzlement."

"Yes, Peters, it is just legalese. It's all just legalese. We're a law firm."

'Is the person you saw with the gun here in the courtroom today, and if so, would you point him out for the jury?'

"You say you have a medical malpractice case?"

"Interesting. Have your lawyer call my lawyer."

'Narcissus goes courting'

Sense, Sensibility & Sid, Attorneys at Law. 'We cover all the bases.'

"Sorry - we don't stock religious titles in case it offends some of our customers."

"This plea bargaining has really gotten out of hand!"

'My client pleads not guilty by reason of mood swings.'

Frankenstein opens door to be given an ASBO

'Lawyers to Avoid.' 'Need a lawyer? I'm low in cholesterol, have never been tested on lab animals and am 100 biodegradable.'

"I don't think we're supposed to taser people who park on double yellow lines."

'According to this, they're suing you for illegal entry and the theft of one mince pie and a glass of sherry.'

'And remember, people, there are no frivolous lawsuits... Only frivolous attorneys!'

Ask Me About My Kids Lawyer

"How I spent a day with daddy at work while maintaining deniability..."

'We really weren't paying attention, so based on a game of Musical Chairs, we find the defendant...'

"To IT or not to IT, that is the question..."