Satirical Law Aficionados T-Shirts

'My client pleads not guilty by reason of mood swings.'

Trial by Media

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

Antonin Scalia

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

The annual running of the lawyers.

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

'Littering, Your Honor.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

Out of Court Settlement

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

"...and how long have you been a smoked Kipper Grader?"