Satirical Law Aficionados T-Shirts

'My client pleads not guilty by reason of mood swings.'

Trial by Media

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

Yawning barristers in court

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."

Antonin Scalia

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'I bet this is going to be another round of criminal bashing, isn't it?'

The annual running of the lawyers.

"And here's good news for the defense. I am disqualifying myself on the grounds of blatant prejudice."

"Legally, I have the right to talk as slowly and boringly about all your options as I want."

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

No offense intended your honor…It just seemed like this case screamed for a frivolous law suit…

'Littering, Your Honor.'

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

'I'd say you have a water-tight case there, boys.'

Snowman about snowman fallen on ice: 'Obviously they would have had time to clear the ice.'

'I'm afraid that driving the getaway car is more than just a driving offence, Mr. Jones.'

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

Out of Court Settlement

'... Yeah. That just means we aren't much good.'

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"