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"First you'll have to sign a prenup."

'I wasn't expecting this when they said they wanted to settle out of court!!'

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

Randy, you're going to represent Rudy in our private relationship matter? I've been retained. That's outrageous. He can speak for himself. He has. By choosing me as his representative. So you're his stand-in. Well, what if I feel like giving Rudy a big kiss right now? Hey! What's good for the goose, baby. I may lower my fee.

"I want to thank all of you for a fair trial and if you're ever up Leavenworth way don't fail to drop in and see me."

Solicitor bringing up his client's use of strong language

Coavinses

"What can you possibly expect from my client, your honor? He's a wolf!"

'Their disability notwithstanding, she severed their tails!'

'I'd like to sue everybody I've ever had anything to do with for malpractice!'

"You are suing me for medical negligence... I knew I shouldn't of used that lawyer's brain!"

Trial by Media

"Bailiff."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

Yawning barristers in court

A baby in court

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

'He started it!'

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'It's all just an unfortunate misunderstanding, Your Honor, it was 'Talk Like a Pirate' day, and,,,,'

Antonin Scalia

"Honestly, I have no idea what a 'habeas corpus' is."