Law Joker Pillows

After working as a day care director for 18 years, Brenda made a career change into law enforcement.

'No loitering.'

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

Early photobombing

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"He belongs to a lawyer."

"And finally, I implore the jury not to take my clients lack of alibi and blatant lies out of context."

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Isn't it true that the prosecution offered you a bone to testify?"

'You wanted a speedy trial, so I'm sentencing you to a swift kick.'

'...a variety of local wildlife very close to the campsite.'

'Come on inspector, you call this fair?'

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

"Repeat after me..."

Revenge had come.

PARALEGAL, 'Hi -- I'm a paracriminal.'

"'Disability benefits' they said... Not while there are perfectly good jobs as traffic cones to be had!"

Bill Barr kicks Lady Justice

"Instead of 'fraudulent,' the defendant requests that you refer to him as 'fluent in the ancient language of duplicity!'"

SANTA'S ATTORNEY

"In view of the new evidence, my client would like to change his plea to 'guilty-ish', M'Lud."

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

'I'm in for burglarizing a store, but I got a reduced sentence because I only stole sale items.'

'We find the defendant to be dead meat.'

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'Either it's a mistake, or this town's gone soft on crime.'

"These days, everyone is lawyering up."

'That's the last frivolous law suit I want to see any lawyer wearing in this court!'

Barrister pointing out dozing judge to the jury

"If the crime rate goes up, we'll know it wasn't you."

'For years I thought it was the 'Supremes Court' and decisions were made by three women singing Motown.'

'There is something I have been meaning to mention since I was named to the Supreme Court... I've never actually read the Constitution.'

'Don't worry, you're a politician. You'll have no trouble pleading insanity.'