Law Joke Lover Pillows

Man looking at the cartes de visite of the lawyers in chancery lane

"He said not to ask any questions, but our immigration lawyer wants to hide out here for a few days."

'Unzip your pants. . .while you're here, I want to pay up my bill in full.'

'Sorry, Mr. Weinbaum, but you should have said 'Simon says not guilty.''

"I'm allowed one phone call! So can I call a chat line?"

We Remove Lawyer Residue

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

'Is there any chance I could do the five years vicariously?'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

Night of the living will

"It's clear from the replay that it was a leading question."

"You call this a brief. It's thirty pages long."

'I understand Benson is the principle partner here.'

Corporate Lawyers

'Your Honor, my client is incontinent to stand trail...'

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

Law office sign: "Defending the citizen's entitlement to folly since 1935"

'Todd here syas our plank is to narrow and may lead to lawsuits.'

"No it's not. That's his defense lawyer."

'This is a very important trial, Ferguson -- you'd better put pants on.'

'This will help you keep track of who's who.'

"The defendant is a danger to society and poses a flight risk."

'During discovery we found five more things to bill about.'

'Do you honestly expect this court to believe, Mr. Chicken, that your only reason for crossing the road, on the night in question, was to get to the other side?'