Law Jokes Aficionado Pillows

A-sexual activity will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

"...And now show us what you said."

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

Corporate Lawyers

'...And to spare my relatives the burden of inheritance taxes, I've decided not to give them anything.'

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

Damaged goods & lawyer's torts 50 off.

"Twenty years? What ever happened to revolving-door justice?"