Law Joke Fan Pillows

'Bills in dog hours...7 times more expensive.'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Corporate Lawyers

"I charge by the grain."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

The Washington Arbitrators

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

"My client demands a jury trial."

We Remove Lawyer Residue

'The defense rests.'

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

'We are from the F.B.L.'

'Objection! That could be anybody's footprint!'

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"You're entitled to one call, four selfies, six tweets, two pins and 30 seconds of hi-def video."

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'