Law Joke Fan Pillows

'Bills in dog hours...7 times more expensive.'

"If you really want independence, you should get into contract law."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'Let's agree to disagree.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

“This daily metamorphosis never fails to amaze me. Around the house, I’m a perfect idiot. I come to court, futon a black robe, and, by God, I’m it!”

Solicitor tells cats: 'It's unorthodox, I know, but old Mrs Featherstone has left her entire estate to her immediate family.'

Corporate Lawyers

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"I'm not that kind of pro-Bono lawyer."

"I charge by the grain."

The Washington Arbitrators

'My client is willing to endure raised eyebrows from the general public for his behaviour.'

"My client demands a jury trial."

We Remove Lawyer Residue

"I'm afraid you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement."

'We are from the F.B.L.'

'A limited partnership? It means you can't sue or skim.'

'Any chance of making this a 'catch and release', officer?'

'The defense rests.'

'He was a product of his environment. He LIVED in a cooked house, he HAD a crooked wife.'

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

"You're entitled to one call, four selfies, six tweets, two pins and 30 seconds of hi-def video."