Law Humor Fans Pillows

"Having a real pitbull for an attorney was great...at first."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Bailiff."

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

A baby in court

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

"At least he's honest about it..."

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'I gotta admit - this 'jury by my peers' idea of yours is looking pretty good.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Baby's first words.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Let's agree to disagree.'

'Overruled, you may continue.'

'Judge Mental.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."