Legal Joke Fan Pillows

'It's a long shot, but we're going to try the 'let bygones be bygones' defense.'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"As the executor for your mother's estate, let me say that she loved each of you, but she also loved Las Vegas."

Barristers

"He belongs to a lawyer."

Just our luck...old school crime translation classes!

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"Permission To Treat Prosecutor as Hostile, Your Honor?"

"Recess is over, Your Honor."

"Does it hurt when my attorney does this?"

'You're the watchdog. Do you honestly expect us to believe you didn't see anything?'

"We're in luck, not a word about retrospectivity."

'Furthermore, had a handrail been fitted to the wall , my client would not be sitting here now.'

A Judge about to enter an operating theatre for a 'Clinical Trial'.

'That's the lawyer in me trying to get out.'

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, dummy!'

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

Antonin Scalia

Baby's first words.

Viking in the dock: His barrister says: 'Your honour, my client was simply expanding his business interests. We object to the use of the word 'pillaging'.'

'Judge Mental.'

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

"Objections overruled...I also think the defendent looks extremly dodgy"

John McWit, Divorce Lawyer & Celibate,

"I'm thinking of suing your cafe. I just got a $2,000 dental bill. You should be paying for it." "I'm in here every day and I always order your sugary scones and your sugar-filled lattes." "That's why I had twelve cavities!" "I'll settle out of court for a scone and a latte." "No deal."

"My wife, my best friend and our prenup!"

"My client will not answer that question as it presupposes his sanity."

"Yeah, I'm out on bail: The judge laughed when he said I was not a flight risk..."

Hermes, Process Server Of The Gods

"The legal people are terrified of litigation but I insisted that we write an apology to the client of the lack of service. . . as long as we don't sent it!"

"Your Honor, I wish to introduce as Exhibit A this bullet with the victim's name on it."