Law Jokes Aficionado Gifts

A-sexual activity will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law.

"Bailiff."

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

"We make crime pay."

"We're slapping you with a stress suit, pal!"

"Not guilty by reason of genetic determinism, Your Honor."

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

A baby in court

'Your honor, I'd like a short recess so my client can make a run for it.'

Pre-nuptal Agreement.

"Great news, Mr. Corrigan. That large, life-threatening lump we removed from your back turned out to be your lawyer."

"The witness will confine his 'Knock knock' answers to 'Who's there?'"

"At least he's honest about it..."

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

Judge about dancing lawyer: 'When you get to the second stanza of this song and dance, please approach the bench.'

'I've been charged with evading jury duty.'

"...And now show us what you said."

"Wait a minute! This is a copy of 'TV Guide.' "

"I thought I'd try a Marie Antoinette for a change."

'I seem to have brought the wrong brief case, your honor.'

Mega Pharmaceuticals Legal Dept. What if we claim a generic knockoff of our miracle drug is blasphemous?

Frank abuses the Power of Attorney.

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Well the good news is that we came top in at least one category of the latest diversity tables..."

'Do you think I would even be here if my client were guilty?'

Corporate Lawyers

'...And to spare my relatives the burden of inheritance taxes, I've decided not to give them anything.'

"Certainly you're entitled to justice, if you can show that you deserve it."

'First time I've seen a law degree with an expiration date.'

"Wait! First, his attorney."

"Whereupon the defendant let out a very sharp, hard-edged laugh that fell to the floor and painfully injured the plaintiff's right foot!"

"No, I'm not calling for order in the court. I'm tenderizing a porterhouse steak. Do continue, counselor."