Laughing Through Losses Gifts

Looks like another profit's warning

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

Accident-Prone Support Group.

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

'Well, at least we were able to remove that pesky hangnail. So, you have to be pretty stoked about that."

'Don't tell me to watch my language! You give me this sort of quote, I'll give you this sort of quote!'

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

'...Or, in layman's terms, Ay caramba!'

Mourning Pens

"You sure you've done this before."

We've had a lot of power cuts lately, but but don't worry we have a back up system.

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

'I don't want to catch whatever the heck you've got.'

'Due to the fact I'm hopelessly lost, I'm willing to waive the rule against talking to strangers.'

"He's always like this on a Monday morning"

'Actually, the pain is just nature's way of keeping you humble.'

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

Woman returning from Weight Watchers - ""You're late - did you get detention?"

'Come, come, Mr Walker...it's only an inspection.'

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

'Numb yet?'

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

New Graduate: Entering real life.

"I thought about it...I even thought about my honeymoon! Can you imagine?! But Gregorio made me realize I'm not here for you. I'm here for me! I love having my own room...I love tending my garden..."

"You're it!"

REcalculating...

Plumbers. I said Ernie is a perfectionist, not a competent perfectionist!