Laughing At Life's Mishaps Gifts

'Well sure, YOU'VE got brakes on FOUR wheels!'

Plumbers. I said Ernie is a perfectionist, not a competent perfectionist!

'I hope you haven't been picking at it.'

"I need to tinkle."

Missing my hair.

Lilly was too far from the phone to complain about her new stairlift.

Accident-Prone Support Group.

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"At least she got it to squeak when she tripped over it."

IRS. That was a rough audit. They disallowed all of my deductions! You can't claim all these people as dependents ... The business expenses are not correct ... and the charitable contributions don't meet guidelines. You're shredding my return with that?! Wow! Ut was The Taxes Chainsaw Massacre!

I don't understand why I need a referral from my primary-care doctor to see a specialist I've already seen, who told me himself to come back for a follow-up visit. That's just the way it works. You'll also need a referral from your tailor before we can put you in a hospital gown.

'Wow! Where'd you come from?'

'My 'harrumphs' are losing their volume.'

Emotional Incontinence - Emotional Illiteracy

'Your extensive anxiety condition was brought about by worrying about a national health plan.'

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'Oh dear.'

Bad sea-legs

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

"So you turned off the power, huh?"

'Carol, get your protective headphones on'

Truck collision due to incompetence

'These shooting sticks are not very comfortable!'

"You get a great view of the ball park from here."

"And so now I'm supposed to be the faithful companion who goes for help?"

Frog gets the Fly. Ouch

General Dentistry.

"Are you sure this is what the man who attacked you looked like?"

"The most painful thing about the breakup was the tattoo removal."

New Graduate: Entering real life.

'Was that you who screamed?' - 'No, the dentist.'

REcalculating...