Laughing Liturgist Gifts

Pope Benedict XVI

"You call this a constitution?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

The ten ammendments

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

A woman in prayer

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

Excommunicate Me.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

"His name is Jonah. Are you sure you haven't seen him?"

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

"First, do no ham."

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

Hymns - Optional Extras

'That Smith kid just invited us to his church on Easter Sunday!'

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

Flight Into Egypt.

"Did he say 'commandments' or 'suggestions'?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

'There are Jews, and then there are the JEWS who-turn-the- other-cheek.'

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'

"She's not a happy camper, he forgot to make the booking, someone's in for a silent night!"