Laughing Liturgist Gifts

Pope Benedict XVI

"You call this a constitution?"

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

The ten ammendments

"Giving is down at the church, so we are charging an entrance fee."

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

A woman in prayer

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

"...I'll send you for an amniocentesis."

"I like what you have here but the title seems a little pushy."

Excommunicate Me.

"Excuse me, Father...is the host gluten-free?"

"And the Lord he sayeth 'doest thou thinkest I knoweth not who sniggereth at the back there?'"

"I hear he has a reputation as a loose Canon."

Jesus as a child - 'Just look at my clean floor! What have I told you about walking on puddles?'

'Are you putting on your Sunday Best, Felix?'

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

"First, do no ham."

'That Smith kid just invited us to his church on Easter Sunday!'

"Gimme a break, guys, it's just until I get the hang of it."

'I understand there have been complaints that his sermons weren't getting through to the teenagers.'

Hymns - Optional Extras

"Faith cannot be bought. We do, however, offer an attractive leasing option."

"Did he say 'commandments' or 'suggestions'?"

'There are Jews, and then there are the JEWS who-turn-the- other-cheek.'

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"She's not a happy camper, he forgot to make the booking, someone's in for a silent night!"

"She's a bird of pray."

"Tell me, have you ever been in a church prior to getting married?"

'Put the kettle on, Doreen.'