Laughing Licensed Drinker Pillows

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Malty tasking.'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

Clive Anderson

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

''Is there anybody there?'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

Eternal Battle of Man vs Fish

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

'Sir, making mistakes is a craft, but making things up the way we do is art.'

Canadian Alcoholidaze.

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Alcoholidays: Beethovens fifth.

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

Corkscrew

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"It's not the mistake you make that's important. It's how you shift the blame."

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

'The store was out of light bulbs, so I got lite beer instead.'

"How do they expect me to get to an early opener when I'm still too drunk to walk from the night before?"

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'