Laughing Lawyer Pillows

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Clive Anderson

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

Loopholes

"Sklar, Liebowitz, Rubin and Kaminsky... Attorneys a go-go."

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

Fairtale prosecutions.

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

Justice

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

"To be honest, I'm not sure if you marking your territory is legally binding in a boundary claim dispute."

"Send for a Prftgxrgplwtkn interpreter - case adjourned for a thousand light years."