Laughing Lawyer Pillows

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Clive Anderson

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'How do you plead, in twenty-five words or less?'

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Who says justice has to be the only thing on tap?'

"I must insist on my lawyer present."

"Objection, your honor, my client's feelings are being hurt."

"Have you, or any of your acquaintances, ever been described as 'frolicsome'?"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"This is my client's videotaped deposition—please be considerate and rewind after viewing."

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

The Scones-Monkey Trial. I, Judge Sadie, am prepared to rule. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Intelligent design versus evolution. Borrrinnng. That is my legal finding. Appeal. Will all bipeds please rise.

"Look, I tried to tell everyone Timmy was in the well but no, what do I know, I'm just a dog!"

Loopholes

"Sklar, Liebowitz, Rubin and Kaminsky... Attorneys a go-go."

"Before the defense rests, my client would like to read you a little sonnet he composed about his love for the jury."

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'I got a suspended sentence.'

"I'm sorry, Master, but all my offers to grant your wishes are invalid under the laws of your state."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

Justice

"...and furthermore that said housewife violated both the animal cruelty statute as well as the disability act when she willfully cut off the tails of three visually impaired rodents."

Fairtale prosecutions.

"I should have been a lawyer. I'm great at ambulance chasing!"

How was I supposed to know she was under age?

"Are you trying to show contempt for this court."

"Miss Antonacci, please have a regular coffee and a cheese Danish remanded to my chambers."

"Not guilty, Your Honor, and thank you for asking."

"Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to sue, and he'll eat for a lifetime."