Laughing Licensed Drinker Gifts

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"Excuse me, Reverend, but what, exactly, do you have to do to get a drink around here?"

'Malty tasking.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

Clive Anderson

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

"Hail to thee, blithe spirit!"

''Is there anybody there?'

"Some prop-forward he's turned out to be."

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

Eternal Battle of Man vs Fish

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'Sir, making mistakes is a craft, but making things up the way we do is art.'

Canadian Alcoholidaze.

'Don't worry about it, nurse. Mr. Jones is one of my private patients.'

'You STUPID fool Ryan! Didn't i warn you not to go JUDGING his cover?!' / A book has just been bashed around a bit for judging another book's cover.

"I wasn't honking at you! Isn't it obvious I was honking at the guy 10 cars ahead of you?"

'I don't think I've seen your brother, what does he look like?'

Alcoholidays: Beethovens fifth.

'The Not so Great Escape.'

Corkscrew

'The way I see it, sobriety is a preventable, condition.'

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

'If that's my wife, tell her meow, meuwwf, meew, hiss.'

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

"It's not the mistake you make that's important. It's how you shift the blame."

LOLpalooza

"If that's humankind, I'm not here!"

Rob Brydon

'Then I hit him with my three-legged punch. . .I hit him with my stool.'