Licensed With Laughter Pillows

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"You might be interested in our encounter group for people with transmission problems."

A baby in court

'Insofar as all parties have agreed to mediation, I've taken the liberty of hiring a medium.'

Judge to attorneys in courtroom wearing boxing gloves: 'Looks like you're both ready for your opening arguments, gentlemen?'

Judge chasing fly with gavel.

"The charge is loitering, your honor."

'You better have a hunting license.'

All together now! Let's sing our decision!

"I can assure you, Your Honor, that my client knocked over the liquor store with the best of intentions."

'Do you mean LAWYER?'

'I'd like to have my name legally changed to 'Dot Com.''

"See, there it is.Thou shalt not bake cakes for gay couples."

"Now, if something happens to your marriage, do you want do-not resuscitate?"

It is illegal to fall asleep under a hairdryer in Florida.

'Overruled. Now answer the question. We could all use a good laugh.'

'...please instruct the puppet to remain silent and let the witness answer for himself.'

Joe's Bar - We sell no wine before it's opening time!

Judge Duels

'Before your honor passes sentence, is the anything my client could do for extra credit, if you know what I mean?'

Barrister defending a criminal

You ought to be in the funny papers, counselor. That was yet another hilarious objection. Overruled, of course.

"Well, I made you a job offer and you accepted. I guess the only thing left is for me to read you your Miranda rights."

I also scheduled a pickup after we finish toiling in the fields. Amish Uber.

'I'm here for trying to keep my nose clean. I got caught stealing a packet of tissues.'

'And in order to make the experience of court less intimidating...'

"Are you aware under the new terrorism laws I can hold you without charge for up to 90 days?"

"You have the right to remain inanimate, but anything you do mime may be used against you in a court of law"

"So, David. Do you have a permit for that weapon?"

Attorney Vending Services: In Case of Litigation.

'Keyhole Perjury'

Boy accused of vandalism pleads 'limited liability'

'Could you sentence my client to just quality time, your honor?'