Laughing Lensman Gifts

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Beware of Falling Notice.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

King and Jester

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

Clive Anderson

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

House of Wishful Thinking

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

Eternal Battle of Man vs Fish

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

'You are here' T-shirt,

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'