Laughing Lensman Pillows

Man photographing fish through magnifying glass

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

Beware of Falling Notice.

'Let's throw ball. Running game not working.'

"Take two pies to the face and call me in the morning."

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

"And when you realized it was the wrong tree, why do you think you kept barking up it?"

"I said to make a thousand CLONES."

'Still have gas problems, Mr. Quigley?'

King and Jester

'Does it matter what answer I put down? After all, this is Liberal Arts.'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"Lost most of my sight, hearing, teeth and hair. Thank God I still god my driver license."

'I see we've got some techies in tonight.'

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"My mom got it on. She said you'd get it off."

Clive Anderson

'It's funny - I'm a Bourbon, but I've always preferred Scotch.'

'What do you expect? A red bulb burned out, and you're free till Christmas.'

'A friendly reminder, Mr. Parker: There's only room for one long, raucous, 'what-a-stupid-question' laugh in this company, and it's not yours.'

"...dry your eyes, m'boy, and always remember: Laugh, and the world laughs with you. Weep, and the world laughs AT you."

"Hey Neil, I've got an idea - let's really freak everyone out and tell them you're quitting physics to become my new co-Pope."

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

'How long do you think it will take to heal?'

House of Wishful Thinking

'That's odd. For most people, getting a pet helps lower blood pressure.'

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'You are here' T-shirt,

Eternal Battle of Man vs Fish

'Oh dear, it looks like the men have been talking about work again.'

Kid has pot stuck on his head.

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'