Laughing Leash Handler Pillows

"Are you; 'Obedient, fun-loving and loyal...with a liking for licking his testicles...?'"

"No no, I said sit!!"

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Humans are strange."

"If man is my best friend, why is he giving me this crap to eat?"

"Stop asking me. I don't know who's a good boy."

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"There you go with that typical police mentality."

"He did it!"

"Ok, Griffin — let him see Mom’s roast!"

'I'm ready! You ready?...You ready?'

"You can stop now. The squirrels are gone."

"The emotional support goes both ways."

"3:14 p.m. Suspect drives to lakeside resort. Rents rowboat under false name. Tosses evidence into... wait, how do I tell anyone?" Topper: Undercover police dog

'Master is too lazy to walk us, so we walk each other...'

Clive Anderson

'Don't get me wrong, the professional dog-walker is nice, but it is not really the same as if my Master was walking me...'

"My human can't tell which end is which."

"She barks once for drugs, twice for weapons, and ten times for candy bars."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

Police Dept. K-9 Unit. Just once I'd like to go undercover as a bad dog.

"I think I can get you off with a lighter sentence, but it might screw up your movie deal."

'...Because its easy to draw.'

'That's not whitewash....that's detergent!'

'I'm in the lead!'

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

"Yo... come on... you can at least turn your head."

Will act like an idiot for food.

"A text? Since when did the dog stop barking when he wanted to come in?"

"My exercise routine appears to be working as long as I hang around fat people."

Dog.

I'm interviewing for a new walker.