Hog Handler Humorist Pillows

'Why don't we ever have people over?'

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

No Soliciting

'If he could trace the matching sock I've another 25 or 30 to account for.'

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

Pushy Dog

'The word bath is mentioned.'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

'Doctor, did you say 5 minutes of traction, or 5 hours?'

'... And I'd like to thank my agent and everyone who voted for me... '

'Toilet paper, Lassie! Fetch toilet paper! Stupid mutt!'

"I'd skip dessert. You'll be quicker on your feet."

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

'Damn showdog people!'

'I wish I could do Search and Rescue too: When you're a Police Dog, the people you find don't actually want to be found...'

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

The Poodle and The Twooudle.

Labradoodle/Labradon't-le

"I lost my way and wandered through this white hell for five days before your brave rescue dog found me and saved me from starving to death!"

"Listen, buddy, a lot of dogs accidentally wee-wee at Westminster."

Hogwarts Academy. What magic? This is a veterinary school specializing in swine skin conditions.

"Yeah, but it doesn't smell like a bomb!"

'...Because its easy to draw.'

"You want to know what kind of criticism of Israeli politics I consider anti-semitic?"

Shakespeare in the Industrial Park

'Best guard dog we've ever had!'

"Barking's what I do, it's not who I am."

Suddenly Harry regrets ever using anything other than dog treats to motivate his team.

"I don't want it to look like I don't appreciate your qualifications and experience, but you're talking a lot of crap."

'Time out!... Scooper!!'

'Really, this award has come as a great surprise...'

'We're like the canine unit, only tougher. Instead of dogs we use big, bad wolves.'

"They're always in the last place you look."