Humor Handlers Pillows

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

Larry's used art

Mike (The Situation) is rumored to have written the original manuscript for his best-selling memoir entirely out of bronzer.

Copycats

Polly txt speak

Grace For Flies

"I don't think you're getting enough stress."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

In his younger days Spock was quite the comedian.

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

'Behold. Ed and Jim have finally reached nirvana.'

...And he calls himself the 'Green' Giant...

"'I don't want war'. . . well, wither our translation program is broke or this president has a strange kind of humor!"

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pirate boy reciting the alphabet

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'My body has rejected every diet I've tried.'

'Remember only you can prevent forest fires.'

"Why do they do that?"

"Ooh, I must sit down - I'm dead on my feet!"

"Couldn't you have just laughed instead of spelling 'LOL' in your alphabet soup?"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'..and we thank thee for these bio-engineered vegetables..'

"Another dry scotch Manhattan, Mike. Make it a double."

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

I will study my speling words...

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Of course I'll still love you when you're old and skinny!'