Laugh Therapy Lover Pillows

'I know! I know! But if I can beat chocolate, you can beat heroin!'

"I'm 100% for 'The Donald' my work's secure while he's my president."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

"... And finally, I’d like to thank the FDA for approving Botox."

Snowprov

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

'The Great Depression? Didn't they have Prozac then?'

"I don't know whether to be mad that you had water this whole time or impressed with your commitment to the joke."

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

'Your Chef's Surprise, sir -- a sauteed whoopee cushion.'

King and Jester

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"It wasn't supposed to be funny."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

"Teach me not to care."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

Can I take your disorder?

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

Sardine psychologist.

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Target in range. Ready... hug."