Therapy Humor Lover Pillows

'Before we begin, I'd like to say a few words about the concept of 'defence mechanisms'.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

'You must continue your therapy because it provides stability and security. . . at least it does for me!'

'After tumbling down, Jack has a fear of going up the hill ever again.'

"I'm not sure I can make it next week."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'You've got to be more assertive. You can't just say 'Cock-a-doodle-maybe-do.'

Help for the passive-aggressive.

'Ok, so far, so good. Now I'm going to expose only one eye this time to a different picture. It's time to confront your fears, Frank. I know you can do this.'

'I'm fed up with all your troubles, Van Gogh, find someone else to lend you an ear.'

'I've been having a lot of negative thoughts.'

"Things could be worse."

'What really scares me, is income equality.'

'I am so very frustrated! It's hard for you to understand, but you don't know the golf course.'

"As if being a compulsive liar wasn't enough, I'm also extremely gullible. I believe every single word I tell myself."

'I have cradle to grave insecurity.'

"I think you've cured my narcissism, I haven't opened the Valentine card I sent myself."

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE DECOR

'Always remember, you're unique.' - 'Just like everyone else.'

'Tell me your name and I'll tell you who you are!'

"Take a seat please sir."

"Tell me about my parents."

"I'm having an identity crisis. I can't keep track of whether I'm Nana, Mimi, or Grandma Wolcott."

'For me, the flavor of the month always turns out to be liver and onions!'

"Therapy isn't supposed to be comfortable."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

Mathematician on the couch.

'I think we've made a real breakthrough today.'

'You're not alone...most worthless losers like you have low self-esteem.'

'I don't do role-reversal. Too much drama.'

Mafia Shrinks

"I'm afraid due to inflation 'a penny for your thoughts' no longer applies, hence my exorbitant fee..."