Therapy Jokes Lover Pillows

". . . And what would you say is the reason for this 'Siege Mentality' you've developed?"

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

"Teach me not to care."

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

Can I take your disorder?

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

Sardine psychologist.

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

"No heroic measures."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

"You've got a few screws loose."