Lover Of Therapy Jokes Pillows

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"Sometime I feel people go out of their way just to scare me."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Teach me not to care."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

'We auto mechanics get no respect!'

Psychiatrist to man dressed in baseball jersey: 'You've never gotten over the fact your father wouldn't play catch with you?'

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"I'm sensing that the role-playing homework I gave you didn't work."

Sardine psychologist.

"Nobody loves me." "Yeah, nobody listens to me. Not even my wife." "My kids don't respect me."

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

Can I take your disorder?

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"Alexa, does this guy have mother issues?"

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"No heroic measures."

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

"And what can I do for you, Sir?"