Therapy Jokes Appreciator Pillows

'Quack.' 'Let's not stoop to name-calling, Mr. Drake.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"No heroic measures."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

"I guess I'll never understand women."

Mathematician on the couch.

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'I'm becoming predictable.'