Therapy Jokes Appreciator Pillows

'Quack.' 'Let's not stoop to name-calling, Mr. Drake.'

"And the letterbox version, how does that make you feel."

Beer $.50. I've had lot of psychological therapy, but none of it seems to help. Maybe you

"Albert the Great—what a joke."

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

'Care to join in some of my avoidance behaviour?'

"You'll never be a full participant in your mental health care if you keep saying wacky things."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"Why do you feel like you're lost?"

"Frankly, I just want to talk about how great I am non-stop and uninterrupted for 50 minutes every week on a long term basis."

"The fact that I have multiple personalities and none of them are computer literate is depressing."

'Life's little wonders are too big for me.'

"See? This is what I'm talking about! If you always show how happy you are to see everyone, you give them all the power in the relationship!"

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"About that insomnia...have you tried counting billable hours?"

"You dawdle, daydream. You make lists of things to do but can't get started. You seem to be restricted from doing what you know you should be doing. These problems will dissolve when you read Chapter Ten of my new book, at eight dollars and ninety-five cents."

"Since you ask, when I'm through here I go home and listen to a bunch of mindless crap on TV."

"This obsession of yours about becoming a car mechanic..."

'I may not really need you. My imaginary friend is a psychiatrist.'

"No heroic measures."

"I'm afraid that's a wrap for this session!"

Let's try something new, Al. I'll say a word, then you remain mercifully silent for the rest of the hour.

Cut out and keep your own Freud.

"Would it be possible to speak with the personality that pays the bills."

'It's not my childhood that traumatised me. It's the size of your bills.'

'Yes, we are going in circles. How do you feel about that?'

'Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm a mad cow, although Farmer Brown does get on my nerves once in a while!'

Mathematician on the couch.

"YOUR mother? - Let me tell you about MY mother...."

"You do realise that you are not the only client scheduled this morning?"

'I think Mr. Teddy's getting too dependent on me.'

'I'm becoming predictable.'

Why don't we just talk first before we resort to that.