Laugh-out-loud Moments Gifts

'That's strange - he doesn't usually take any notice of the television.'

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

Hypnotoon

"This does not make us friends."

"Would you describe the pain everyone else causes you as dull and throbbing or sharp like a knife?"

Pie chart of pub conversations

"I tied his line around this log, then I tug on it once in awhile. He's gullible, because it's been three hours now."

"I'm old enough to remember when people thought retirement had something to do with not having a job. Don't laugh! We used to believe all sorts of ridiculous stuff!"

Meeting Melanie's parents suddenly turns awkward.

The Terror Of Folkenstein

'I'll have to reschedule your appointment -- the doctor had an attack of squeamishness.'

'I'd like to return this snake. It's suffering from reptile dysfunction.'

'Rapunzel's migraines completely vanished since she started dating Ted from the airport.'

"I haven't written anything yet, but I'm looking for someone to ghostwrite my book 'how to delegate.'"

Canned Laughter

Book Burp

"I paid twelve quid for this and it only mentions nine!"

Woman Dancing.

"I won't do full frontals. I have my career to think of!"

'How did Mary-Lou like her first motorcycle ride?'

'Oh, do you do Sumo?'

"Fred's conversational level speaks volumes. When he's losing an argument, he raises the volume."

Austin gets butt dialed.

Clancy: Forthright Opinions

Man pelted with golf balls.

'Great aim. Totally tweetworthy.'

'Pint of 'Binge' please Guv'nor.'

'I remember when he was with CND.'