Collecting Humorous Moments Gifts

'Oh, do you do Sumo?'

'Great aim. Totally tweetworthy.'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

"It's a letter from the Vatican. They say that whilst walking the streets without stepping into dog poo is nearly as miraculous as walking on water, it's not sufficient to canonize me!"

Vegetarian Birds

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

Clown's Cuckoo Clock.

Mexican Jumping Balls.

Malfunctioning geyser

'The pills stopped your depression but we may need to adjust the dosage, Sister Naomi.'

'This prescription will stimulate your funny bone which will cause you to laugh. We both know that laughter is the best medicine.'

A boy with a camera

'Kong, loved your resume but I have to ask for a drug test.'

"This does not make us friends."

'Brand X, the wine for those with indiscriminate taste.'

'When you said, Dream Team, I thought you meant the Swiss Bikini Team.'

Chameleon humor...'I never metamorphosis I didn't like...'

"I've got a painful burning sensation in my groin, doc."

"I don't care who's naughty or nice anymore-I only keep track of who's crossed me."

Elephant and Castle

'These are Martha's Camp Cupcake Muffins - and I've just ordered her new apron from the prison gift shop.'

'I would suggest a Cabernet Sauvignon. It's non habit forming. I should know. I've been drinking a glass every day for twenty years.'

The Shoemaker's Appendectomy

"I've been window-shopping..."

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

"Champagne always makes her light-headed."

Lesser Known Active Volcanoes.

Just Browsing.

'Oh, you know, the usual...just working.'

Welcome to old age - I come up seven or eight times a night to empty my blowhole, too.

Waiting for the 5 o'clock hooter.

"I couldn't be happier if I were in slop."

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."