Collecting Humor Gifts

The Gallop

'What's it to be,gentlemen-the short cut or the long way round?'

Elevator out of order, full of people.

The best place for a dartboard is not beside an open window.

"Waiter! I need a doggie bag and a body bag, please."

The Future of Palmistry

'Ha! OK Eddie. You owe me 50 bucks!'

Urp! Homo Eructus.

A Tramp spraying Eau de Toilet.

World Of Cow - 'Could you wrap that up and send it to this address?'

'Kix? Yes, Ma'am -- you can get your Kix on aisle 66.'

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

Stools for fools.

Shuttlecock in a Cage

'DANDRUFF?! Those are just flakes!'

"Is the snapper fresh?"

"Would you like to come up and see my etchings? They're all exactly the same. All twenty-pound notes."

No, I'm not just trying to let you down easy. I literally have 2 left feet.

The IRS called, Lance. Something about an audit. But don

Trump - The curly years

Have your photo taken with Joan

Hollywood Sign Developers

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

To no ones surprise, they ran head-on into one another. (All couples are wearing teachers reading 'I'm with Stupid'.)

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Bert's dog training.'

'Me, I don't spend my pocket money: I hoard it...'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

'The bad news is you're going to marry a geek, and not a pro athlete. The good news is the geek owns the team.'

"Eat me"

"Whoa. Someone needs their diaper changed."

A 'Falling Rock' and a 'Deer Crossing' zone.

',,, and if anyone knows of a reason why these two should not be married, let them storm this castle with pitchforks and torches or forever hold their peace,'